'Neeya Naana' - Vijay TV's talk show conducted by Gopinath is one of my favorite TV shows. Whatever program he does, he comes forth as a knowledgeable and sensible person. No sooner did I watch his episode with Balumahendra (fair vs dusky) and dream to particpate in this show some time than the call from a friend asking me if I wanted to participate in Neeya Naana conducted by the very same Gopinath here in NJ. A sweet coincidence. Thanks to NJ Tamil Sangam for having made this possible and make meeting Gopinath seem so easy - I am sure in India it would be more difficult.
So, yesterday was the show and the topic decided was 'Americaavil vaazhum tamizh makkal thangal ethir kaalam kurithu thelivaaga irukkiraargala illai kuzhappamaaga irukkiraargala' (Are Tamil people living in the US clear about their future ?). He started with a nice long introduction starting with the unexpected snow, then going over almost every point that anybody in either teams could possibly think about. He talked like a person who has lived here forever and it was indeed convincing. The part where he told that the person that says he/she would go back to India the loudest stays here the longest and forever was so witty and true to the word.
Coming to my personal experience as a participant in this show, it was great, I started off with the same point that helped me choose the 'thelivu' side without any hesitation. We are constantly trying to prolong our stay in the U.S. - come as h1 visa holders, apply for permanent residentship then for citizenship and so on. If anybody was unsure, how would these people on the other side ever decide to buy a house of course we know it is to build equity and with the hope that they would live here for 5-10 years. Unless there is a compelling reason to go back to India like taking care of parents or taking over a huge business, we all like to stay here. Sometimes when I see a pencil lying on the floor, I feel guilty that we have not taught the kids to understand the value of money. But then we are not going to help it just by moving to India. We nostalgically look back at our own childhood and want to give the same to our kids but that just is not possible even if we go to India - times have changed. At least here the kids belong to the middle class and study in public schools. If we move to India, we might probably be in the upper middle class and probably going to increase our affordability and so on....
Then came the bait and the hook :) as he does it very often...the opponent team talked about confusions in kids. And he insisted that I respond to it ( I wish he had not - saying less is better most of the times ) . I tried to explain to him by saying that I am a Tamilian but brought up in Kerala but had no confusion and I think to some other question I told we teach Tamil to kids to inculcate in them our roots and presenting them with choices. At this he outwitted me indicating that it was not a sign of clarity(thelivu)!
Was trying to ponder over why he could not agree with that and found three reasons-
One, of course, I was not aggressive enough to get my point across eventhough it was valid.
Two, he is a true professional, he has complete control over where he leads the discussion - it would be around what he could handle the best based on his preconceived ideas.
Three, the topic was already drifting to India vs America.
But personally and watching friends around, I feel most of us have made a decision to live in America as if that is the only choice to pursue our careers because here in the land of immigrants we have the freedom to live as an Indian, learn Tamil, Bharathanatyam, go to the temple name it. My husband says if only Re.1 was $45 all of us would be on the other side of the globe. There is a global culture here that does not make you feel isolated and people are so tolerant. At work, even the non-Indians are happy to celebrate Diwali with us. I feel thats a really nice gesture. Our social life is almost like in India now. It is not like how it was 35 years back. I know my own parents eventhough they enjoyed their life with us kids in the US went back after a few years because they felt lonely and cut off from their family and culture. We also definitely miss our family, more dearly so when we are sick but then there is a price to pay for every convenience that we get. Always, ikkaraikku akkarai pachai.
I meet more Tamilians here than in my childhood in Kerala. Most of our kids meet only Indians during the weekends. My son is able to talk English to me in an Indian accent like me and in an almost American accent at school. Global boundaries have become thinner and we do not feel the distance and separation so much anymore. If something changes in India that is going to affect the US and anything changes here in the US, that is going to affect India. There is no sacrifice of 'patriotism for India that bred us' - we are building the economy there as well as the economy here.
Choosing 'thelivu' did not mean any of these to me: I have to live here forever, I have to sign up to Americanize myself and my children forever or that we do not like to live in India, in fact our big decisions have always been quick - even if I regret, my husband never does. Honestly, the thought of settling down anywhere itself scares and depresses me ...
Back to the program, around the same time may be because he was obsessed with parents trying to teach their kids too may things that they personally want to, the topic further drifted to right parenting. It actually brought out some useful tips both from the speakers and Gopinath. It turned into a true workshop!
The best were
Teach your kids the art of independent thinking.
Be role models to your kids.
If mentored right, they can live here or India or anywhere in the world happily.
Show that you and your spouse are affectionate just like you fight/argue when they are around.
He concluded the discussion saying "There is a sukham in living our life with uncertainties while understanding the differences and the changes due to the influence of a different culture. He also picked the most impressive speaker for a prize from each side and kept the tradition of Neeya Naana.
I was amazed at the confidence with which Gopinath said "If you have the authority to say this sitting here and say this from what you have heard about India, I have the authority to say this living in India and watching everything happening around me . And a bit shocked by the authority with which he curtly deferred an objection raised by a lady doctor who had 35 years of experience. May be he thought it was rude of her to interrupt like that. That is why he has command in his job and he is where he is - not losing focus and not letting others lose his focus while delivering a free flow of convincing words and thoughts amidst all different ideas for two and half hours that too totally live for this show. He kept the audience engaged with anecdotes from his personal life and experience or probably the imagination from all the information he has gathered. Even his use of native slangs makes him relate to us better. He joked about the Rapidex English when I mentioned about people talking in English in Lifestyle even though we know neither the seller nor the buyer would be one who has learnt English through Rapidex English speaking course ! Things like these do add the much needed element of humor in any show.
Enjoyed reflecting more, collecting my thoughts and recording this fun experience in this blog.
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